#8. Mothers, We’re Awkward About Goodness and That’s Not Good
Part of our struggle with the duty of motherhood is being persuaded that goodness is actually good. If duty is “giving the good owed, as defined by God”, Christians can get stuck debating whether goodness is a good thing. We wobble and end up choosing whatever is most convenient or socially acceptable, neither of which end happily.
In article #7, we noticed how passages like Psalm 15 show our basic failure to do good. We read it and can agree with Scripture’s chorus that no one is righteous, not even one. But by isolating this truth, we can end up with a strange non-response to Scripture. It might be peculiar to the part of the world I live in, but I’ve been in many Bible discussion groups where we conclude that the only reason there are commands and instructions in the Bible is to expose our failure to do them. We read the Ten Commandments, Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount, Paul’s instructions for how to relate and conclude that God never expects us to do them; he was just giving us a glimpse of our desperate need for forgiveness.
Perhaps God’s word is doing a few things at once. As our sin is made plain, Jesus’ great worth as our saviour shines. The one who has been forgiven much loves much. And as forgiven people, God’s words tell us what we’re meant to think, feel and do. His grace not only shows us how dead in sin we are, Jesus makes us alive and teaches us to live as new people. Saved by grace, it doesn’t make sense to ignore what the Bible tells us to do.
We’re pessimistic, believing that because we can’t do good perfectly, we can’t do good at all. We talk as if obedience is irrelevant, or worse, that it’s wrong. We imply that goodness is a bad thing. We’re scared that taking obedience seriously will end with legalistic people who stop trusting in Jesus’ death in their place. So the only Bible application we know is, “read the Bible, and tell others about Jesus”. We’re all about knowing the Bible and helping others know it, but don’t follow where that knowledge is meant to lead us: godliness. We’re awkward about goodness.
In our clumsiness, we reduce and diminish things which Jesus enlarges. We argue against the new creation Jesus saves us to be. To live with this awkwardness, we glance over the top of any phrase where the Bible actually tells us to do something good. Did God really say? We end up with a weird, spiritualised disobedience to Jesus. This reluctance to talk about and do what the Bible tells us leaves us very vague on what our duties are. Our awkwardness sours marriage and parenting.
Instead of being awkward about goodness, we’re meant to be excellent at it and eager for it. Paul has a lot to say about goodness. Let’s limit ourselves to the book of Titus (have you read it yet?).
When we scour the whole book of Titus we notice:
Paul saw his own work as an apostle, “to further the faith of God’s elect and their knowledge of the truth that leads to godliness.” (Titus 1:1b). Faith in Jesus and knowing the truth is meant to lead to godliness.
When choosing elders, Titus had to commission men who “love what is good” (1:8).
An elder must show he loves what is good in particular ways: he’s blameless, faithful to his wife, a father whose kids are believers and obedient to him; he’s to manage his household faithfully, without being overbearing, volatile, easily angered, violent or greedy. He’s to be truthful, hospitable, self controlled, upright, holy and disciplined. This elder is to be bolted into God’s truth, actively teaching God’s people and refuting those who deny it. Paul expects that salvation matures a person into a lover and doer of good.
Paul wanted Titus to have his elders rebuke a group who were characterised by meaningless talk, deception, teaching false things for dishonest gain. The Cretan falsehoods led to ungodliness (liars, evil brutes, lazy gluttons with minds and consciences corrupted), “They claim to know God, but by their actions they deny him. They are detestable, disobedient and unfit for doing anything good.” (1:16). Faithful Christian teaching says plenty about what is good and what isn’t. It helps God’s people into fitness for doing good.
Titus was to teach “what is appropriate to sound doctrine” (2:1), this meant teaching different groups of people the godliness which was particular to their various relationships and tasks. Titus was to apply doctrine in a way which showed older men, older women, younger women, younger men, slaves, subjects and citizens what godliness looked like in their homes, work and civic life. Why? “For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say “no” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope-the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good.” (Titus 2:11-14).
Titus had to remind Christians in these new local churches to have a posture of obedience toward those in authority over them, “to be ready to do whatever is good” (3:1b).
Paul points to the back story of every believer, reminding them they were once foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by passions which were not good, living in malice, envy and hatred (3:3). Christians have been saved out of not-goodness.
“But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life. This is a trustworthy saying. And I want you to stress these things, so that those who have trusted in God may be careful to devote themselves to doing what is good. These things are excellent and profitable for everyone.” (Titus 3:4-8)
Those who have trusted in Jesus are to be careful to devote themselves to be doing good. We are meant to be giving time and attention to working goodness out. As we figure out what the good is, we devote ourselves to doing it. Devoted not dismissive. Wives and mothers are meant to spend time working out how to be a godly wife and a godly mum. And then eagerly pursue it.
At the end of his letter to Titus, Paul repeats, “Our people must learn to devote themselves to doing what is good, in order to provide for urgent needs and not live unproductive lives.” (3:14).
Christians are not saved to be ambivalent about goodness. Paul expects that Christians will have a vigorous relationship with goodness and that it will have a bountiful output, good for others. Goodness is really good, something we are coiled, ready to spring upon eagerly. When we’re persuaded that gospel grown goodness is good, then, we’ll sign up for whatever God says is good in our mothering. Resentful resistance is a parasite which can’t survive long in this eager-for-good ecosystem.
