All of us are in local churches that are less than ideal. We’re meant to be growing in discernment, but discernment can easily degenerate into discontent, which causes us to drift into disobedience. If you’ve been joining me thinking through what it means to bring children into corporate worship, it’s possible you’ve found yourself in a tight spot in a church that underestimates children and underestimates worship. In learning to discern what’s good, you might be battling discontent and the drift which sometimes comes with it.

The challenge is to grow into our own Bible-grounded convictions while loving people and a church which are not always growing in the same way. We also need to be prepared to notice—and repent of—the blemishes which we bring to the body. We are all on a long road, living long and meandering stories. We need to take responsibility for ourselves, but not in a way that disconnects us from our local church. It’s foolish to use our church’s foibles as a passport for our own apathy. Or worse, our own sin.

All Christians across church history have been in imperfect church situations. Some frighteningly so. Learning from church history will help us gain perspective. A quick way into knowing more church history is a podcast like Five Minutes in Church History or Luther in Real Time. Becoming familiar with the past can help us be more discerning in the present. The broader vista helps us see that some issues matter less and other issues matter more than it seems.

There is an art to discernment without discontent. The best advice I received before my husband and I married was, “don’t entertain discontent”. It holds true for churches as well as marriage (although there is a time for moving churches more often than there is for changing a spouse!). Feeding our discontentedness doesn’t help us or the other party mature. It estranges us. It compounds the sin, ruins the relationship and sets us up to only see faults. Discontent strangles godly discernment. If discontent is leading us, then despite our strong opinions about what is good, we might be modelling something very ungodly to our children. So, save the discussions about the health of your church for when the kids aren’t around. Pray for your church more than you criticise it. Deliberately express thanks to the Lord for specific things your church is being faithful in. Take your best joy to church, even if you’re disheartened, because your church is not the object of your worship, the triune God is and he doesn’t change.

We can pray and have timely, respectful conversations with people who are responsible for overseeing our church, but it’s not our job to boss them. Our task is to be growing as faithful individuals while we love a particular body of believers. We need to be in a constant process of conforming our convictions with Scripture, lest our ideals be more about personal preference than what God says is good. We need to treasure what our churches are doing well, and help our children to notice and reverence those things. Any sober assessment needs to be done at the right time, in the right way and infused with genuine, thankful affection.

There is a place for transformation, though.

“I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:1-2

Recognise the spaces where the Lord has given you authority and responsibility: your own heart and mind, in your own body, in your own home, with your own household. Conformed, transformed, renewed, discerning God’s will: discerning and doing what is good and acceptable and perfect on his terms. This is the worship which God’s mercy leads us into. The first way we help our local churches grow to maturity is by getting busy in our own bodies in our own homes. Take responsibility for your own Christian growth.

Grow in your understanding of worship. Read the Bible, noticing worship in a new way. It’s the constant backdrop to the whole story of the Bible. There is a wonderful discussion about worship with Jonathan Gibson on this episode of the Crossway Podcast. I’m planning to slowly read (or listen to) books about worship including Reformation Worship (Gibson) and Christ-Centred Worship (Bryan Chapell). Let me know if you end up reading them too; we can exchange notes! Jonathan Cruse explores how worship is formative in What Happens When We Worship, and models how well-considered worship is a journey through the gospel every time. Doug Wilson’s Primer on Worship and Reformation also provokes plenty of thoughts worth thinking. Jason Helopoulos has written a very short and practical book, Let the Children Worship. These books are like good tours guides, helping us notice ancient landmarks, both in Scripture and church history. This isn’t so we can fuel our critical spirits, but to help us grow in our own spheres of responsibility.

Talk to your kids about what worship is. Let them listen in on what you’re learning. You become their tour guide. Take your kids to church with the expectation that the Lord is at work among his people, that whenever the Bible is open, that he is speaking. Be conscious of raising children to reverence the Lord Jesus in a special way when his people gather. Do what you can to build the church up from your position of being in personal authority over a few of its members.

Learn to worship at home. Lean into the splendid work of helping your children learn to live as Christians. Give yourself over to growing and protecting the ecosystem where that discipleship will happen. Ordinary days and ordinary homes are the central spaces we are given to fill with worship. Encourage and help your husband. Together with him, learn to worship in the rhythms of every day.

We can have definite times of voiced, articulated worship in our homes, saying and singing aloud the words of the Bible, prayer, catechism, and creeds. Guides like Be Thou My Vision, by Jonathan Gibson, are designed to help us find our voice. Jason Helopoulos gives concrete guidance in a short form in A Neglected Grace: Family Worship in the Christian Home. We start by making sure the Bible is open, simply and often. We can then build on that over time.

By learning the language and significance of worship in our families, we prepare our family to better participate in corporate worship. It isn’t just about our own family though. By taking responsibility in the spaces where the Lord has given us authority, we are contributing to the life of the whole church, present and future. Like Mr Thomas Manton wrote in the Seventeenth Century,

“A family is the seminary of church” and “Would parents but begin betimes, and labour to affect the hearts of their children with the great matters of everlasting life, and to acquaint them with the substance of the doctrine of Christ…what happy, well-ordered Churches might we have!” . (see more in this article).