#24. The Non-Negotiable, Essential Duty of Motherhood
Our overarching purpose in motherhood is to help our husbands raise our kids in the ways of gospel godliness, to teach our children to live under the Lordship of Jesus. In our zeal to do this, we can get carried away making things very complicated. We collect special props and programs. We have Pinterest boards for Bible craft. We move churches because we like the sound of the kids’ program somewhere else. We fret over the spiritual state in our marriage and home. Perhaps we’re keen to rearrange and re-order everything as the Bible animates us in new godliness (and praise God if that is the case!), but one mistake is to think we need to get everything right for God to be able to work in us and our kids. In our eagerness, we can forget the foundation of it all.
At every intersection where there is a choice in motherhood, our question needs to be,
What does Jesus want from me?
Half the struggle of Christian motherhood is actually getting to the point of asking that question, of realising that ‘what Jesus wants’ applies as much to our motherhood as it does to church attendance and Bible study; of realising that Jesus has opinions about how we mother the children he has entrusted to us. That according to him, some ways are “more good” than others. We mightn’t have worked out all the details of motherhood under the Lordship of Jesus in our family, but constantly measuring our options by, ‘what does Jesus want?’ is a refrain which will help. If that question is our governing thought, then we’re far more likely to discern the good we ought to do.
The other struggle, once we are asking what Jesus wants, is looking for the answer in all the wrong places. Often we spend more time looking at data, research and psychological trends to guide us in our choices. We don’t come to particularly Christian conclusions. We fall into avoiding liability rather than pursuing good. God willing, a bonus article will be coming out about that soon. For today, let’s look at the answer Jesus himself gives.
In article #23, we looked at Psalm 119 and saw how love for God is entwined with a love for his Bible which he uses to enlarge our hearts. These enlarged hearts learn to love obedience, walking in God’s generous, broad spaces. Love for God, love for his word and obedience can’t be separated. A plant has distinct parts, but if you take one of those parts away, you don’t have a fertile, living organism anymore. Jesus used plant imagery to talk about the kind of zeal which Psalm 119 shows us. It so happens that he also tells us what he wants from us.
“I am the true vine, and my Father is the vine dresser. Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you. Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in me he is thrown away like a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned. If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples. As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.
John 15:1-11 (ESV)
What does Jesus want from us? He wants us to abide in him. To be joined to him. To live in him. To be as connected to him as a branch is to its vine. God brings about new life in us when his Holy Spirit causes us to be born again (John 3). The Holy Spirit makes us spiritually alive to see who Jesus is and what he has done. In Jesus’ death and resurrection, Jesus joins people to himself (Romans 5-6). Vitality happens as we stay stuck to Jesus, full of the sap of his life. We are alive only in our connection with him. Jesus changes us from people whose sin is exposed by Psalm 119, to sharing in his perfect performance of it. We depend on him and we’re sustained by him. Any growth and fruit we have, the kind of growth and fruit the Father Gardener nurtures, is fruit which grows out of his life in us. Our active part in this living arrangement is to stay put. We stay put, not by doing nothing, but by reading his words in reverent, active, joyful submission.
Like in Psalm 119, love for Jesus, love for his words and obedience to his words are all part of the same plant. We can’t have Jesus, if we dismiss his words; We can’t have Jesus if we read his words, but don’t conform our life to them. Being joined to, and alive in, Jesus happens with hearing and doing. This Bible-hearing and Bible-doing is the most important part of our mothering work.
Jesus tells us to abide in him and he tells us how: read his Bible in a lively way. Jesus’ Bible reforms our hearts and lives. His word changes what we want and what we do. Abiding in Jesus is what leads to the fruitfulness which our Father Gardener desires. The fruit will be what he has ordained, not a type of fruit we strategise and shop for. It’s a fruit which can’t be borrowed from someone else and pasted on. It grows from the inside out, with constant nourishment from Jesus, through his word.
It’s entirely possible to have everything right on paper as a mum—to have all the pieces in place, but to not be abiding in Jesus. The best devotional merchandise, a church with a show-stopping kids program, a pristine home, a wise routine, an intact marriage, are powerless to grow spiritual fruit if we’re not joined to Jesus. From afar—on paper—our situation and supplies might look mediocre, but if we’re abiding in Jesus, our Gardener is tending his vine to bring out the fruit. It’s our living connection with Jesus which will have the biggest impact on the formation of our children, not the gimmicks we get from somewhere else.
Whatever else we can or cannot provide for our children, nothing counts a drop against being a mother who abides in Jesus. We can’t pass on what we haven’t got. For their sake, we need to abide in Jesus. But more important than what we owe our kids, we have a King whose splendour outshines everything. He deserves our attention and our whole body, whole of life, allegiance. We’re not abiding in him as a functional, utilitarian parenting strategy. We’re abiding in him because there is nowhere else to go. He is more precious and more worthy than anyone or anything else. Every other relationship and role we have falls in behind our first love, to him. Every other duty is done for his sake. Our foundational duty as a wife, as a mum, is to abide in Jesus. To be alive in him as his word is alive in us. To give constant, eager, responsive attention to God’s word. Poor, rich, simple, clever, ill or healthy—abiding in Jesus is for all of us. He’s the life which grows the fruit. Apart from him we can do nothing.
