#29. Something for the Kids?
When a young family is looking for a new church, a typical requirement is that it has “something for the kids”. If they don’t see a children’s program advertised on the church’s website, they might not bother visiting at all. It’s easy to assume that a church with no kids program thinks church is only for adults, that children only become a person once they are grown. There can be very bad reasons for a church not to have a kids’ program.
Just as some churches might reject children’s ministry for bad reasons, a kids ministry can be done for faulty reasons. Or for good reasons, but in unhelpful ways. Or for multiple reasons within the one church. Whichever choices are made, there are assumptions underneath, about children, the Bible, church, worship and families. We underestimate what we should esteem and we overstate the merits of less important things. Sometimes, by trying to solve one challenge, we create new difficulties. The desire for a church with “something for the kids” makes us feel as if we’re fulfilling our parental duty to teach our children about Jesus, but it might actually be diverting us from it. We think the box is ticked, but we’re missing the essence of what it means for children to be part of the Jesus vine.
Usually when there is “something for the children”, it is because a few people care deeply about the children and youth. Children’s and youth workers are spending themselves, often for years on end, to know and love the youngest of Jesus’ people, and to help them know him. At their best (and I know many of the best), these people love and welcome children the way we all should.
The questions I’m raising are not a criticism of the saints who serve the younglings. They often have very admirable hopes for our young persons. I am concerned that many of us parents use a Sunday School teacher’s zeal as a substitute for our own; that, though their commitment is exemplary, our use of their ministry is more about babysitting and convenience than what’s good for our children. Sanctified childcare. And it’s our consumer demand, rather than biblical conviction, which is driving many a church program. Given churches have a formative role—what they do shapes who God’s people grow to be—it is concerning when children’s and youth ministries are built in response to what parents want, rather than for maturing us into what God has designed for us all.
Gathered worship is the goal of God’s redemptive work. From Genesis to Revelation, God’s great purpose is to bring worshippers back to himself, gathered as one through Jesus, under his word, in love and fullness of joy. Abiding in Jesus together. When children’s ministry becomes the thing which is done while the adults “do church”, we make some costly theological tradeoffs. We un-gather. We piece out the vine into segments. I wonder if these shifts are at the heart of why we struggle: in our homes, in the long term retention of young people, in our mission to the world?
As I tackle aspects of this topic over coming articles, my hope is to work through the common assumptions about children, church and family which end up shaping what churches do, which in turn ends up shaping what parents do, which influences how mums think about—and do—our God given duty. Working in reverse, as we clarify what our role is as parents, we can better discern what’s helpful (and what’s not) in church. Perhaps growing parents, parents understanding and doing our light duties, might give wary churches space to mature into a new way of being? Healthy children’s and youth ministries can’t happen without the Christian parents doing their job faithfully at home. It also happens that when parents are doing their job at home, these ministries don’t need to carry as much of a load. Along the way, I’ll share some different stories of children being welcomed into the life of churches.
If it seems, on a website, like a church doesn’t have much for the kids, it might be a bad sign, but it might also because they have a deep concern for children and the church. A big program for the kids doesn’t necessarily represent a deep, well considered,, biblical approach to helping children, indeed the whole church, grow to maturity in Jesus. Less might actually mean more.
