#5. You Are Inadequate, But That is Not All
I still feel sick when I open a parenting book. There is always something I’ve got wrong. The further down the parenting road we get, the harder it is to change things. Instead of trying to sift out what is wise and good and how to get there, we usually settle for something that makes us feel better about whatever it is we have or haven’t done.
Mummy social media is full of women trying to justify themselves and solicit the affirmation of others—not always because we care about being good mothers, but because we want to feel like we are good mothers. Or to feel vindicated when we’re not doing well. This social media absolution interrupts the cycle of repentance a Christian woman is meant to be on. It submerges us in the shame we are trying to dislodge. The frantic need to affirm and be affirmed cuts off our ability to make an honest assessment of what is good and what isn’t. We don’t know how to deal with bad news about ourselves.
Our misdirected neediness keeps us from the comfort we want. Going to the wrong place with our shame and weakness keeps us from joy and lops off good branches which could be growing. Our inadequacies are amplified, they disfigure and distort when we don’t take them to the cross of Jesus.
When we look at our own stores of strength and skill, and the duties entrusted to us, it is entirely reasonable that we conclude, “I can’t”. We are inadequate. But that is not all that’s to be said. (By the way, did you read this article?).
The women who Jesus delighted in were woefully inadequate, through sin or circumstances. It was their posture towards him, in the middle of their inadequacies, which made them exemplary. When Jesus points to the poor widow who gave her last coins, or the repentant woman who ‘wasted’ expensive perfume on him, the point wasn’t that we go and get ourselves into the same situations so we can give the same gifts. The women were exemplary because they valued Jesus above everything. They used whatever they had at hand to show where their trust and allegiance was. Even when it wasn’t much.
The first thing to do with our weakness and sin is to come to Jesus; in plenty or in want, to show affectionate, trusting allegiance to him. It’s not the inadequacy which defines, but what Jesus does with it, as we come to him.
Comfort doesn’t come from our performance as mothers. It doesn’t come from other people’s opinions about our mothering. Safety, security, help and joy only come from Jesus. He was perfectly obedient in the place of his people. When our life is hidden in him, when we are covered by his achievements, we have nothing left to prove. We are in The One Safe Place where our sin is shown for what it is and dealt with. This is true, whether we feel good or terrible about our mothering, when we’ve done well or poorly. Christian mothers are all only justified by Jesus, even in their motherhood.
Jesus’ death has purchased every grace we’ll ever need for all the shame of the past and all the failings and achievements yet to come. To be a Christian means that we are hidden in Christ. Our motherhood is hidden, dead then resurrected, in Christ. Our sin is dead and buried in him and he has made us alive, into a new life in him. He has saved us to grow into new women. New mothers. And he has already provided all that we need to do it. God makes these provisions plain as we get on with doing the things he’s given us to do.
His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.
For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins.
2 Peter 1:3-9
God has given us everything we need for the godliness he would have us grow into. We are not sucking goodness and obedience up from the marrow of our own bones. Jesus has bought us and brought us into oneness with the supremely glorious and good God. He is our supply and sustenance. His Spirit pumps new life through the new heart he has given. From that position of safety, as mothers who are inadequate, forgiven and being made new, we all get to ask the same question: what is the good Jesus would have me walk in from now on?
Scroll down for some prayer prompts.
Have you prayed about these things? Here are some points to pray through:
Confess the sin, the failure, the good left undone.
Say out loud all that Jesus achieved in his life of perfect obedience and his death in the place of sinners like us. Preach to yourself and make sure this message is the loudest one in your ears.
Talk to God about your confusion about the best way forward.
Ask God’s help to know what the good is.
Ask for God’s Holy Spirit to change what you want, that he would grow you to want the good.
Ask for strength to do the good he would have you walk in.
Ask for optimism and new confidence in God’s willingness and ability to provide.
Look forward to being surprised by God’s provisions (like the Psalms which start with despair but end with expectation).
Pray that God would remind you of the Lordship of Jesus in every detail.
Pray that God would grow your delight in the Lordship of Jesus in every detail.
